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You Can’t Beat Yourself Up Into a Better Person
Trust me, I’ve been trying most of my life.
Incessant shame is the most reliable hell. Each time I make a mistake or do something I’m not proud of, shame picks up my scent and hunts me down. It seems there is no escaping it. If I feel guilty about something, shame is quick to reinforce the guilt by telling me how terrible I am.
I know some people use this negative self-talk as motivation to change. And that’s great if it works for you, but it’s never worked for me.
I get it though. The idea sells because it’s nice to think of forging a new you in the fires of self-hate, which burns away all the weakness and undesirable bits. It promises that you come out of this grueling ordeal looking like some ancient warrior ready for the fight of life.
It sounds cool, looks cool, but implies that life is a fight to be won. Unless I missed something, I don’t see a part in all of this where I get to feel at peace.
And maybe everyone’s goal isn’t to be at peace, and that’s cool too. But it’s hard for me to buy off on an idea that doesn’t involve it, or rather seems to embody the opposite.
